My Favorite One-liners

Simply ask my family and friends and you’ll find out that I love one-liners. I love some of them so much that I use them over and over and over. So, I set out on a quest to add more arrows to my quiver. Here are a few that I found which I like:

  • 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  • 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  • A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  • A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  • Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
  • Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
  • Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
  • Boycott shampoo! Demand the real thing!
  • C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
  • Double your drive space. Delete Windows!
  • Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
  • For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
  • For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
  • Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
  • Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
  • Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  • How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
  • I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.
  • I won’t rise to the occasion, but I’ll slide over to it.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  • If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
  • If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.
  • Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
  • Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
  • Never miss a good chance to shut up.
  • On the other hand, you have different fingers.
  • Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
  • Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
  • The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  • There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.
  • Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
  • You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

Review of Jars of Clay album Good Monsters

I picked up the new Jars CD a couple of weeks ago. Now I understand the hype surrounding this release. It is perhaps the best Jars album yet. I have no doubt that it will equal the success of their self-titled album released in 1996.

The CD has a really great, unprocessed sound to it. After hearing the band practice before heading out on their Good Monsters tour, it is clear that they have tried really hard to produce a product that will stand alone either on CD or live.

Dead Man is the second track on the CD and is getting a lot of airplay right now; it is at number 3 as of this writing (I’m sure it will be #1 before long). It is a catchy, 80’s style pop song. The chorus is almost as catchy as “it’s a Small World After All”  and has been rattling around in my brain for at least a week. It isn’t the best track on the album, in my opinion, and I am never quite sure why the record companies choose one song over another for airplay. Next time I talk to a label executive, I’ll be sure to ask.

Oh My God caught my fancy the first time I listened through the album. It stands out as the most impressive song on this very thoughtful album. It starts out with a single acoustic guitar and builds to the finale with an insightful prayer from the soul and ends with:

Babies underneath their beds
Hospitals that cannot treat all the wounds that money causes,
All the comforts of cathedrals
All the cries of thirsty children – this is our inheritance
All the rage of watching mothers – this is our greatest offense

Oh my God
Oh my God

Good Monsters also features Kate York on Even Angels Cry and the haunting voice of Leigh Nash on Mirrors & Smoke.

All in all, I think this is perhaps the best album to hit the streets this year.


Review of Newsboys album GO

This is a classic Newsboys album, which reminds me more of their earlier work with driving beats and catchy lyrics. Paul Coleman joined the band early this year and is found playing cool licks and adding his unique vocal talent to this album. I honestly don’t look forward to Newsboys album releases. I see them as a band that does one thing really well: Live shows. Go sounds as though the majority of the songs were written with live performance in mind.

Catchy pop songs like Something Beautiful, Let It All Come Out, I Am Free, and Secret Kingdom should all make top-10 hits. Secret Kingdom even features a whistling solo. Every great song needs whistling, just ask my friend Phredd. He’ll tell you.

I am not really a pop-guy. But there was one song on this release that I really liked. Your Love is Better Than Life is an ‘Aussie Rap’  which reminded me a lot of Timbuk3 or Fat Boy Slim. It stands out as a diamond among the rest of the gems (sorry for the cheesy simile).

The only track I didn’t care for was the final one, Gonna Be Alright. I am not a fan of the sampled background vocal singing Oh How He Love You and Me. It reminds me too much of early Christian music when mediocrity reigned supreme.

If you’re looking for something revolutionary from the Newsboys, keep looking. It definitely shows how polished they have become as a band and it is the solid, happy, worshipful style that has become synonymous with the Newsboys.

Go Playlist:

1. Wherever We Go
2. Go
3. Something Beautiful
4. The Mission
5. Let it All Come Out
6. In Wonder
7. Your Love Is Better Than Life
8. I Am Free
9. Secret Kingdom
10. The Letter (One of a Kind)
11. Gonna Be Alright


Gospel Music Association – John Styll

Recently I had the rare opportunity to meet with John Styll, President of the Gospel Music Association, to talk about his role and some key issues with which the GMA is involved.

This is part one of a multi-part series which I will be posting over the next few weeks. You may also see the video of the interview on

Brian: John, starting out, describe a little bit about your background, what you did in the [Christian Music] industry before you became president of the Gospel Music Association.

John: I really started out doing radio in the early 70’s, before Christian Music was really anything here [in Nashville] and it was through that that I got to know a lot of the artists and the people in the industry. And it was through that with some partners that we started a magazine about Christian music called CCM in 1978. I did that until 2001, sold the company and left, and that is how I ended up with my industry contacts and through that had become the chairman of the GMA, which is a volunteer position. The president of the GMA left and the board asked me to step in on an interim basis; that was the end of 2002.

Brian: What is the GMA and what is its purpose?

John: The GMA is first and foremost a trade association; a collective of the different aspects of the industry, where we basically gather together for the common good to, as our mission statement says: “To expose, promote, and celebrate the gospel through all forms of music”. 

When we say “gospel music” , we mean really anything. Although, when the organization started in 1964 it was all southern gospel, southern quartets. Our awards show, the Dove Awards, the first year had 11 or 12 categories, all of which were southern gospel. It was just ‘Album of the Year’ , and that was a southern gospel album. Now we have 43 categories including everything. But we’re here really to promote music that has the gospel message in it.

Brian: Do you represent all genres?

John: Any genre; from bluegrass to punk rock.

Brian: What does the GMA do in terms of promoting Christian Music? How does it help further Christian Music?

John: It happens on a number of levels. One area is record sales. We have a sister organization called the Christian Music Trade Association. It is just record companies. And we do SoundScan for the Christian Music industry. Before SoundScan came, when one of our big artists like Michael W. Smith or Amy Grant had a release, none of the sales in Christian music stores counted. It was like they were invisible for Billboard Magazine purposes. And, you know, some of these artists have a lot of sales through Christian bookstores. So we worked with SoundScan where we collect here all the data from the Christian stores and it gets sliced and diced and then sent up to New York to SoundScan, so now all those sales count. Well, this week for example, Chris Tomlin is going to debut in the top 20 on the Billboard top 200, which he absolutely would not have done had the Christian bookstores not counted, and we feel at least partially responsible for that. When big retailers like Best Buy and Target and WalMart see Christ Tomlin in the top 200, the order Chris Tomlin’s albums, and when they have it stocked it sells more. So that’s a real fundamental example of what we do.

On the GMA side we do a lot of media relations: We get a lot of calls from newspapers, magazines, television networks, and radio networks for information about this industry. And so one of the things we do is compile all of the stats and facts and figures, and are a media resource. We do a lot of public relations on behalf of the industry as well.

Our awards show, the Dove Awards, yeah it’s to honor excellence, but the main thing is to get it on TV so that millions of eyeballs can see these artists performing all these different kinds of music and therefore hopefully create interest in it.

We have an event in Estes Park, Colorado, called GMA Music in the Rockies, that is designed to bring up brand new artists. We do a lot of education and training for aspiring artists, because new artists are the lifeblood of the music industry. And our event that we do in April, GMA Music Week is for professionals in the industry. We bring together radio and retail, managers, agents, promoters, record companies, and artists, for a week of fellowship, learning, showcases and all kinds of things that go on for a week.

Next time we’ll here about John’s perspective on how the Christian Music industry was birthed and how it grew.

Video of interview may be seen here:

© 2007 Brian Crow & Universal Language, LLC