Why I Hate Guitar Hero

I am terrible at Guitar Hero and I don’t really care. I have played it a few times and find it to be an affront to my intellect. Simply: Guitar Hero is a blight on society.

I know. It’s shocking that somebody of my superior mental prowess may be insulted by a game. Let me explain why. 

  1. I can rock like Slash without any real skills. No longer is hard work, frustration, and aching fingers required! I can be a complete slacker and as soon as I strap on that awesome midget plastic guitar, I am as good as somebody who has labored for years. It’s a metaphor for how many of our society approach life. It’s teaching our young ‘uns that there’s no value to working hard. Just sit at home and stare at the screen. Good things will come to you. Guitar Hero is breeding litter of non-thinking, no skill empty-heads.
  2. I’m better at fake-rocking than you are! Fork out another $60 and you can have two midget plastic guitars and compete against your friends or family for the crown of the slacker kingdom.
  3. Guitar players are heroes. Um, no. If you want to be a hero, save somebody’s life, become a mentor, or just spend time talking with a kid (maybe even your own, gasp). Fake midget plastic guitar playing TV zombies are not heroes. Heroes destroy zombies!
  4. It’s not even a real guitar!

If you want to enjoy an instrument that has 5 chords, play Ukulele!